Song about songs - pathos or bathos?

This is what I have so far on a song I am working on: After finding the initial trope and a couple of OK lines, I'm a bit stuck to be honest. Finding it hard to move on to write some more verses and get a structure up and running. Lyrics are very hard for me, and having to work so hard on it is not great for retaining perspective and critical judgement. So, friends, what do you think? Worth persisting or give it up as a bad job? :D Edit: January 2010 update: Edit again: Update with smooth timing :D

I listen to a lot of obscure mid to late 60's artists and this has that kind of vibe and feel nailed. Not sure if that is something that you were going for on purpose, or something that is naturally in you, but it's working well and you are doing a good job of it. From a songwriting perspective, it sounds done to me. Some songs are short. You should only add more verses or additional parts if there is something else that you want to say or play. If this was mine, I would resist the urge to push it to four or five minutes, clean up the mix and call it done. Well... easy for me to say, but my reality is that I have been working on the same song for 4 months now :). Great raspy vocals by the way.

Definitely worth persisting. I like the song. I think you've got all the basic sections you need, except possibly lyrics for one more verse. I interpret your current arrangement as:- Intro - Chorus 1 Verse 1 - VerseTag1(no vox) - Chorus 2 Verse(gtr twang) - VerseTag2(no vox) ...fade Maybe after the Chorus 2 you could go back to a vocal verse instead of the twangy guitar bit and keep that until later. Or, alternatively, use the twangy guitar bit after the choruses as a theme leading into vocal verse parts. You might also be able to re-use the Intro as a break in the middle of the song. You can definitely fit in another chorus before the end. It's difficult to tell without trying these things, but you could try cutting and pasting what you've got to see how it might hang together. I do this sort of thing all the time with my stuff. I can't be bothered to play through the whole tune while I'm working out arrangements. Are you still reading Spike or have you lost interest, as on the other thread ;) On a technical point, I'm not sure about the piano. The part is good but the rhythm seems uneven to me. Pete

Thanks very much gents. Great advice there on structure and all that. Your suggestion to keep it short KF is very helpful. I think maybe if I can squeeze out one more verse that might do it. Then as you say Pete I can cut and paste around for an overall structure. Some nice ideas there - I like the idea of the intro revisited as a break down in the middle. I tell you what I would like for this is a Handbags and Gladrags type oboe. any double-reeders out there? Pete, I feel bad about that other post now, especially when you put up the Eric Olthwaite link! :D When I was a lad, if anyone in our family was going on a bit (usually me) someone would just have to say "Spear & Jackson No.5 wit' brass handle" and no more would be said. :D Anyway if you'd just stop being so bloody reasonable and affable and get angry like a decent bloke I wouldn't feel so bad now :mad: :D Edit: Pete can you tell me more about the piano thing? Is it in certain parts? Is it timing or the rhythm chosen?

I think it would be a shame to let this one slide spike, It has a very catchy melody, the kind that sticks in your head. Thats the sign of a good song if ever there was one. I share your problem of finding it hard to write lyrics, its the most frustrating thing to be where your at right now with this song its so close to being finished, I think another verse and a fade out chorus added to the structure you already have would work fine. Sorry I can't be a little more help Keep up the good work Cheers

Hey spike. I like it too. Agree on some of the above comments, like extend it a bit. maybe if it's just one added chorus after the guitar. :)

Easy Listening 

OK, well, you know, it's only taken me another 6 months to get this far. I got the Miroslav Philharmonik thing in the Amplitube group buy so now I gots me some oboes and strings and some other stuff (a gong!) I think I have got the structure OK now. Anything cheesy sounding should be regarded as ironic, or possibly post ironic :D Please have a listen and any advice would be very gratefully received (although "cheer up you miserable bastard" and "find a singer" are likely to be superfluous - I am way ahead of you there).

I like how it builds and the structure hangs together well as a complete song. Previously I said the piano rhythm was uneven, but I think I was referring to the wrong thing. On listening to this second version, I now think that there's something rhythmically uneven in the semiquaver pizzicato effect, which I can especially hear during the intro. Is that part quantized or played in naturally? Is it just me that thinks this? The main thing is that it's a good song and it really sticks in my head. Pete

What Pete said :) Cheers